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Fireplace Heart

(Her most recent blog post for those of you who are praying for our daughter Janay in Cambodia.  A little glimpse into her heart and what God is doing in her these days in a place that so desperately needs Jesus’ love.  Oh, how I love this precious girl!!!! 🙂 Thank you for your prayers… )

A Fireplace Heart

Here’s the deal. In the recent past, I had a very good and sacrificial friend rummage through my hair for signs of lice. This happened after a cute little girl out in Svay Pak kinda sorta rubbed her head all over mine during a piggy back ride (might I add, I gave her a piggy back ride in wedges on an unpaved road, like a BOSS). Turns out she had lice. But the good Lord blessed me by gifting me with a lice free head. He knows to what degree I would complain about having to comb my mane with one of those teeny tiny torturous devices that get rid of those even worse eggs. I’m sure it was more for the benefit of everyone else. Either way, thank you Jesus!

Literally, right before I started writing this, a tiny black bug crawled from my bed onto my computer, which freaked me out. Needless to say, the bed was stripped and sheets thrown violently into the washer. I Raided the crap out of my room (you know the bug killer spray) and am now sleeping in my roommate’s bed since she in in the province and I am pretty sure my entire room is toxic at this point with the amount of chemicals floating around. Crossing my fingers and saying prayers that it was not a bed bug.
Speaking of Raid, it turns out that it is my new best friend. There is this small walkway on the side of my building that I have to walk through to get to my apartment. I think that it is the cool place to hang out for all the cockroaches, because they are always there. Dear Arizonans, if you know me but at all, you know my disdain for anything that could be considered an insect, especially cockroaches. Well, they are worse here. And by worse I mean, THEY FLY. Also, I am pretty sure that they enjoy the fear they instill in me when I attempt to walk by them unnoticed. Large flying stalker things.
Exposure therapy has been something that is an everyday occurrence, at least in the creepy crawler department. I feel inclined to say that this form of therapy isn’t working for me. I’m probably more scared than ever of bugs. So there’s that.
Anyway, today I had a day of just wanting to go home, partially due to the bugs. It’s so cool how Jesus totally knows what we need and uses others to help meet those needs.  Example: my friend Matt from back home texted me and asked how how I was and my exact response was the following: “It is so hot and air conditioning is expensive and I am overwhelmed and I miss my friends and I miss living with Leesh and Reen and sometimes I have to take two showers a day because I sweat so much.”
Melodramatic much?
 I half expected Matt to encourage me to hop on a plane back home (I wasn’t planning on it and still am not) because sometimes he teases me about it. Instead, his response was quoting scripture and then sweetly telling me how I cannot leave what God has called me to (he then asked me to read his 10 page paper for school, but that’s neither here nor there). Just like that God reminded me He has brought me here. And that is enough for me.
Quite honestly though, I usually do not understand why I am here. Let’s face it, there are about a million more qualified, educated, well adjusted, and spiritual people out there than me. Ones who are more equipped to do the job I am about to embark on. People who are smarter at the Bible and don’t get as crabby as I can. It makes absolutely no sense.
There are many things to be afraid of right now or reasons to be discouraged. For me? I am afraid of this new project I am leading. What if it fails? What if I fail? Not only project stuff, but bigger picture stuff too, actually, even more so. The heaviness of this country can be a load to carry at times. Children are being raped as I type this and as you read it. How can anyone really reconcile that?
BUT (what a glorious word). Jesus says this: “Take heart, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
And just like that… apricity (the warmth of the sun in winter).
That truth ejects any discouragement or fears because, really, He’s got to do the heavy lifting, not me. What a relief. He’s totally got it. And for me? I get to receive the good news and be a partner in delivering it.
“Off again into the big wide world, with a fireplace heart and bouquets of good news to share” -B.L.

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